By Craig Cormick
Based on highly reliably international contacts, leaked documents and horoscopes from several TV magazines, Nostradamus' Media Watch presents a highly accurate forecast of events across the globe.
Peace in Somalia
Within the next fortnight, the US will surprise the UN with a peace proposal for Somalia that will both end the conflict with warlord Mohamed Farah Aideed and put an end to the famine.
The proposal is the result of several months of secret negotiations by the Doobie Brothers, acting as special envoys for US President Clinton.
The plan entails the opening of a large chain of McDonald's franchises throughout Somalia, with General Aideed being appointed chief supervising manager, with visiting catering rights to UN headquarters in Geneva.
And while the 5300 extra US troops currently deployed in Somalia will still be withdrawn with other US troops in March, President Clinton will pledge continued US support for Operation Restore Votes by sending in a contingent of 1000 unemployed landscape gardeners and retired cable television talk show hosts to help Mogadishu in its bid for the 2004 Olympic Games.
Republican support grows and diminishes
Supporters of an Australian republic will get an unexpected shock when Prince Charles comes out publicly in their favour.
Speaking from a hospital bed after an assassination attempt by a northern Irish architect, Prince Charles will say that he would be willing to make a good will trip to Australia, and speak on every available television show about his own personal theories and experiences of republics.
Republican support immediately plummets.
China ups bid for 2004 Olympics
China will continue to show what a good sport it is in losing the bid for the 2000 Olympics, not only by ending the unilateral nuclear testing ban, but also by rearresting all the dissidents released over the past two months.
Chinese authorities will also release advanced plans for their bid for the 2004 Olympics, which will largely involve bulldozing Hong Kong and turning it into a giant sports stadium — but only if they lose their bid.
There will also be pressure from China to include military precision marching and formation tank driving as Olympic events.