Playing by the rules
Now there's something you don't read about every day.
— What's that?
A shootin', tootin', bang up war.
— A war?
Yep. This time with Iraq.
— But we had a war with Iraq last time, didn't we?
Sure did. This time it's different. This time it's a war to end all wars. We're gonna teach them Iraqi bastards that we're not to be messed about with.
— We're gonna whip their behinds real good, eh?
You bet. We're gonna teach them Iraqis to play by the rules. Our rules.
— Oooweee! I love it when we talk like that.
Yeah. Ain't it great.
— So what they done this time?
Done? Does it matter? All we have to know is that we gonna kick arse.
— You bet! But does it say there what they done wrong?
It says here that them Iraqis ain't been playing hide-and-seek the way they s'posed to.
— They been cheatin'?
Yep. Been cheatin' all the time. Won't let ya look where ya want. So we gonna make 'em let us.
— Oooweee! We're gonna make 'em all right. But what we lookin' for?
Stuff. Secret stuff.
— But how we supposed to know when we find it?
Gee. I dunno. All I know is we gotta keep on lookin' till we get warm.
— Then what?
Gee. I dunno. I just know them Iraqis gotta do what we say or we'll ...
— Bomb 'em back to kingdom come.
Yeah, that ... and the sanctions.
— Sanctions?
Says here that over a million people have died there because of them already.
— Jesus. A million, eh?
That's what it says. One million people at the rate of 250 to 300 a day.
— So why we wanna go in there and kick 'em good when they're droppin' like flies already?
Beats me. Guess it's 'cause they deserve it.
— Deserve it! Jesus! They must be gluttons for punishment. How bad you gotta be at hide-and-seek to get into that much trouble?
Beats me. Guess it's 'cause we like dishin' it out.
By Dave Riley